today

started out simple enough
you know,
games of hide-and-seek where the same hiding place is used 10 times in a row,
giggles (and peeking toes) giving away their location

wearing winter hats inside while building
(why wouldn’t we?)

and then our day changed.
just playing in the living room when he cried out and refused to walk.
as he lay crying, knees to his belly i knew it could be bad
there had been no trauma. nothing. and now he wont walk.
my mind raced with possibilities as i grabbed anything at arms reach that would keep us warm
and we left.
we’re not sure what happened, a ridiculously long 30 minutes of crying and pain, and refusal to walk
three separate times,
six draining hours,
with the smallest model patient there is (seriously amazing with the films and ultrasound)
but no definitive conclusion.
[one of those times that negative, normal tests are a relief but don't solve the problem]
so we’re home now, waiting, hoping whatever it is doesn’t come back
and lets him sleep
(a theme for him, it seems)

oh what i’d give to take the pain away from those scared eyes
and as much fun as we had this morning, this is how i’ll remember today

we
are
exhausted.